Commence Additional Ridiculous

Long time no balderdash. Seriously. The amount of balderdash that hasn't come from me in the past couple months is nothing but disappointing. Well, I mean, the amount is astounding, but the fact it hasn't come from my mouth er fingers is disappointing.

Lots has happened lately. I learned the Egyptian word for "tomorrow". Bookra. I learned to ride the Subway. It's very similar to America. Women get their own cars, but every now and then I ride in them anyway. I can't help it, when I'm running really fast to catch the train before the door closes I don't really notice if I'm technically allowed in that car or not. I'm usually not the only one though. If I was, it would be awkward.

I also got my iPhone to work, broke it, broke it some more, and then fixed it again. Yeah.

Oh, I flew to America. No plane, just my wings. Take that. They're gone now, though. I need to refill my miles at the wing store. Used them all up.

I also eat vegetables and have lost 20 lbs. And by 20 lbs. I mean 10 kilograms.

45365 aka 43410

For those who read my blog who aren't in the know, which is hopefully no one I work with (yet--they'll know soon) I'm planning to move to Egypt in the end of September.

Also, for those who don't know, I grew up in the zip code 43410, better known to some readers, as Clyde, Ohio, and known to less readers as Winesburg. Between the ages of, we'll say 9 and 19, I hated that fact. Maybe not hated, but would've rather grown up anywhere, so long as it wasn't Bellevue, Pittsburgh, or any city in Michigan. After that age 19, I started to appreciate just what it was that I grew up with, and how--not unique--but special, perhaps, that was.

In the past week some things have just really hit me hard. First is that, yes, I am moving to Egypt in six weeks. Cairo has well over 20 million people, Clyde might have 7,000 now. Stay tuned on that. In essence, in 4 short years, my life has radically changed.

In high school, I drove a sweet '98 Ford Escort at worked at Wendy's. Again, far from unique. With one of my paychecks in my pocket, I went to Wal-Mart and bought a new *CD Player* and hooked it up to the *cassette tape player* in my car. It's slightly disgusting, but I listened to some Clay Aiken (mostly covers), Billy Joel and Dashboard Confessional on that CD Player all the time. I also drove a lot--I don't now--so I actually new the songs and the words. I would sing along. My times changed, my music changed, but as I'm sure everyone has, there are moments and memories attacehd to nearly all of those songs, so when I hear one, I'm instantly taken back to Clyde.

45365 is a beautifully made film about Sidney, OH. Clearly not Clyde, but one would be forgiven for thinking it is. So, even though I saw none of the same people, none of the same landmarks, I had lived this movie. I had been at the football games, had been in the bars (though that's since I was 21, promise Peg!) knew people with issues, divorce, worked in the factory, been to the churches, hung out at the barbershop--all of that. It was one giant "don't forget about Clyde" moment for me.

My closest friends and relatives will tell you I will never forget about Clyde, and I largely agree with them. I read the Enterprise online every week, my family still lives there, etc. And as fond as the memories are, they're only that, memories. Continuing in that town--or, as I especially realized tonight, any town somewhat similar to it--will remind me of those memories I had growing up, but I never will create those same ones. I do not want to be reminded of what I once had and, realistically will never achieve again. I never will be 17 again, hopefully never work at Wendy's, allowing Dashboard Confessional to sing my heart's puppy love as I cruise down Route 20. My friends will never score the winning touchdown and I reward them with the sexiest tuba section playing the fight song that I can. I WANT those moments, we all want them, but it's terrible to chase them. It's beautiful to remember, illogical to relive--or, try to.

So, it's safe to say there's a multitude of reasons I'm going to Egypt. I enjoy the Arab culture and language. I'm realizing I have a passion for education. I want to see all the world. The selfish reason (not necessarily the main one, though) is that it's time to make new, unique memories, and not hold out for the ones I already have to return. I want to create an entire life of moments I love remembering, of nostalgic feelings about people, places, tastes, smells, music, pictures, and conversations. And I don't feel like that will happen in Ohio, at least not now.

We'll talk again in a decade. I'm sure things will be different then.

* Let me say something about this. This is strictly how I feel about where I grew up, and what my relationship is with the town now. I'm not trying to make a statement about everyone who is still in Clyde, or whatever small town they're from, because I know not everyone is trying to do that. This is simply how I feel when those possibilities cross my mind.

Also, read the Winesburg link, if you read no other, Interesting the names that are mentioned.

Religion, Politics, and Me.

I speak as a Christian--one whose commitment to democracy is very deep but whose Christian conviction are even deeper....I do not want to be numbered among those who sold their souls for a mess of pottage--who surrendered their democratic Christian identity for a comfortable place at the table of the American empire while, like Lazarus, the least of these cried out and I was too intoxicated with worldly power and might to hear, beckon and heed their cries. To be a Christian is to live dangerously, honestly, freely--to step in the name of love as if you may land on nothing, yet to keep stepping because the something that sustains you no empire can give you and no empire can take away. This is the kind of vision and courage required to enable the renewal of prophetic, democratic Christian identity in the age of the American empire.

The personal wealth of the 225 richest individuals is equal to the annual income of the poorest 47 percent of the entire world's population.

--Cornel West

If only I could write as he does. Way to speak my mind, Cornel.

Thanks to Anna for doing her homework in reading this book, for thinking of me, and mailing it down.

Also, does anyone else find it strange you can be a "fan" of God on Facebook? And that he is classified as an "other public figure"? I wonder who runs that site, anyways.

I hope this brings on the comments!

Creativity

If you've read the previous posts, you've read things people have said about this blog, along with thing I think they should be saying. While some were flattering (the ones I thought people should say), others were not (like The News and my mother.) But, the quality, or lack thereof, of this blog spurned me wondering about creativity. That, and I watched a show starring a writer and guest starring a guy who wrote a book called "The Artist Within." And then I wanted to write a book.

I'm sure if I came out right now and I was writing a book, everyone would pour encouragement upon me, save the two people mentioned above, and I would have mucho successo or something of that sort, depending on their language of choice (I prefer uchmay uccesssay. Note to Apple: Add Pig Latin as a language for Spell Check to recognize.) I have always wanted to be creative. I was terrible at art, still am terrible at artistic things, a terrible writer of music (save one song) no good at poetry. Damn was I good at math, though. And my LSAT scores were admirable given that I didn't really mind to much the outcome. I'm what they call "left-brained" and a critical thinker. Thus, (see! I did it right there! I can't even WRITE without drawing conclusions!) I am more of a "critical thinker" and less of the "artsy type." Whatever that means.

So, no, loyal Daily Stick readers, there will not be a Daily Stick book like some other bloggers are attempting. Instead, aside from the radio show I may or may not get, this blog is and will continue to be the pinnacle of creativity that oozes from my delicious mind grapes. Some of the greatest have slipped into unbelievable substance addictions. I've considered that but for my health, safety, job and relationship security, and a plethora of other reasons, I will stick with my Twitter and Facebook indulgencs.

But, what does it take to be "monumental"? So I haven't done a novel, or a song, or a major work of art like that Chapel or a television show. No. A masterpiece of creativity can be a blog with 12 people following it. Wait until history writes itself. We'll see whose blog is left standing.

I Hate The News

Seriously. Did anyone read his comment on my last post? He needs to stick to acoustic covers of Ignition. I swear he's going to drive me back to fascism.

And, I hate the real news, mainly because celebrities I do not care about keep passing away. Farah Fawcett, at least she was kinda old, and had had cancer. I found it difficult to care. Then Michael Jackson died. And I was thrilled. Puzzled? Consider the following:

I was born in 1987.

Michael Jackson, after 1987, was pretty much straight up weird. His skin changed color or something, he did the Super Bowl, and then he apparently may or may not have molested children at a "ranch" that was oh-so-creepily called "Neverland". Even I feel like a bad person thinking about it. So, I'm not heart broken, in fact nearly relieved, that MJ has passed away.

But then, the crushing news that Billy Mays had passed. I was heartbroken. Finally, a celebrity passes who I actually understand WHY they're a cultural icon.

What I've learned from all this is that, given enough time, we all will die eventually. I just hope mine is reported on CNN for whatever reason. Wish me luck!! Maybe I'll finally get a TV show....

The Olentangy

The mighty Olentangy. Mighty in its name but not so much in might. It was discovered initially by the Germans, and it's name literally means bratwurst with cheese and cucumbers. It used to flow from Columbus to Colombia, allowing the Colombians to import many illicit drugs. Eventually, though, the Colombians won their war on drugs, and the role has essentially reversed, though not by the Olentangy. Our war is still underway.

Tourists and swimmers should watch out for the fish with three eyes, as well is toxic sludge. I don't know it's FOR SURE in there, but I'd imagine after 2 industrial revolutions, that it is.

Some nice things: It never caught on fire. It's sorta a home to Ohio Stadium. It has water? The Lane Avenue Bridge looks nice over it. It's "scenic" according to the State of Ohio.

I hope this appeases the masses.

Note to self:

Note to self: Update this balderdash tomorrow!

In the mean time, here's what people are saying about the blog and the blogger.

"Irresponsible!" - Anonymous
"Unprofessional!" - Anonymous 2
"Funny!" - Anonymous
"Perfect!" Anonymous
"Stupid!" - Peg (my mom)
"Heart-wrenching, breakthrough and a gift to the world wide web." - The New York Times (not entirely true).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBmbAqdxw8A
Heard that song on the radio.

The Worst and the Best

I just tweeted that today I watched one of the saddest and happiest events in one's life, a college graduation. Now, I graduated in December, two quarters ahead of schedule. I took classes in the summer, and had some college credit coming in to school. It didn't really seem like that big of a deal. I'd been working in an office job for a quarter, I lived a few miles from campus--I was disconnected. Now, though, I just moved back to campus, I spent all day yesterday with my friends, some of the greatest guys and girls one could ever hope to know. We ended up at the candlelight ceremony, and although it felt like I was partaking in a cult, it's hard to overlook the effect of Ohio State and its people on one's life.

Nothing is as exhilarating, though, as realizing that you're finally going to be out on your own. It's your opportunity to prove yourself to, well, yourself. We've gotten the degrees and diplomas--two in the past five years, in fact--and now it's up to us to shape our lives. Our parents will guide us, our friends and co-workers will shape us, but we have the most freedom right now, and from here on, that we have had in our entire lives. Most know my decision: a move to Egypt to pursue the dream that it seems so many have but so few execute. Each of us are going our separate ways, doing what we can to get by, or need to for our futures, acting upon this freedom to be who we want to be and shape our lives as they go.

All that was on my mind as I sat at our cookout yesterday, at the candlelight ceremony last night, at graduation in the 'Shoe today, and in the picture sessions to follow. I saw guys who I considered my closest friends in the past four years. We have the memories, the stories, the hard work, the tests, all of those cliche things that go along with college. I was not as social as one could've been, but that did not change the relationships. My friends are smart, funny and dedicated; committed to each other in a way that rivals Will Ferrell and Luke Wilson in Old School, which will undoubtedly be quoted endlessly.

So I reflect on those memories, so happy, positive and, well, fun, all while considering that they'll likely never happen again. Sure we'll stay in touch, maybe see each other now and again, but the times will change. Unfortunately, this is what we must sacrifice in order to indulge in our new found freedom. And I wonder if anything at all has the mixed emotions of a graduation. High school, college, they're very similar. We want to hold on so badly to what's behind us--those memories--and act on what's in front of us. It's clear what we're TOLD to do, what society thinks, but what is it that we WANT to do? Is that sacrifice worth it?

Those of you who read this that are younger, just consider that as you finish your high school or college. And, as a former teacher said just a couple minutes ago, remember you never stop learning.

M*ch$g#n

I apologize to my dearest fans that it has been seen long since I could pleasure you all in a manner similar to chocolate.

I write today to discuss plans to deal with that terrible, terrible state up north. (Warning: This post will include at least one inside joke, which I think can be explained pretty decently, and I will attempt to allow others to understand.)

A review of what the state of Michigan has accomplished:
1. The Auto Industry - Detroit is done for. I've analyzed this in this post where I say LBJ needs to run the auto industry. Millions of jobs and money lost, adios stupid state that looks like a hand!

2. The University of TSUN - There are obvious reasons that I, an alumni of tOSU, would dislike the maize and blue. But, considering I just found out this guy got a degree from that terrible school, they're even further down the poop list (cursing, remember?).

3. This is their recovery plan. The auto industry fails, so they suddenly have an artistic side? This might be one of the dumbest ideas I've ever heard. That's like if Lebron James leaves for the NY Knicks (which is NOT happening, btw) the Cavs say, don't worry, we're signing Allen "Practice?" Iverson. Fact: Titanic is the only movie to have ever made $1 Billion. Fact: The car companies were just bailed out with billions and billions of dollars, and it didn't work! How on earth does this compare?

4. They didn't mow their poop (originally was the bad word). Seriously, last summer I was driving in that state (cheapest option for a flight) and their stuff was not mowed. It was not neatly trimmed, it was full-out, and it angered me. And I was mildly intoxicated (Alex was driving, no worries) so I started yelling about it. Do I regret it? Absolutely not.

My solution: Close the entire state. Keep it an American territory (we can't let the Canucks succeed with it) but move everyone out. Who knows what they'll do, but I expect a significant recovery to our country in EVERY SINGLE FACET because that state no longer exists.

Tonight's competition: What president played football at that terrible, terrible excuse of a university?

Spread this blog like the people of M*ch$g#n will be dispersed after my plan goes into effect!

Comment your solutions for the state!

Great President or Greatest President?

Congrats to B-Stick for being able to could to a billion without even having to skip a few in between. I don't know who he is, but I imagine with an education that good he went to The Bowling Green State University, or a comparable regional state school in Ohio. Probably not the flagship school in the state though, The Ohio State University. The rumors are that their grads can count to a Google. While I have yet to test to confirm my skills and that I received an adequate education from The OSU, I'm pretty confident that I'll be able to.

So, on to the question of the night. Is Jon Bon Jovi a great President or the greatest President. Here's the run-down:

1. God is in his life. One of his songs talked about all he does is live on prayers. That's the man who should be running the country. I know GWB did this too, but he didn't write an epic rock 'n' roll song about it, or at least not one that we know about (he apparently had a crazy time until he was like 35 or something, who knows?!)

2. He knows his health. He doesn't take medicine unless it's good. And, based on experiences in the past, I don't either. That night hopped up on Ex-lax was terrible, and wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I trust his expertise in the medical field will help get us out of our current health situation.

3. He's aware when danger is ahead. Knowing that when the roads are a little bit damp, things can change a little bit, and make them more dangerous, is a great precedent to have. His knowledge of dangerous situations will undoubtedly make him the greatest foreign policy president since....well.... Kennedy? Maybe Carter? Good luck going up against that sweet axe, Kim-Jong Looney Bin Laden!

4. He knows that he gets to make this decisions. As much as he prays, he's aware that his life is still his. Trust the Lord, but live your life! Rock on, Jon!

Alright kids--it's nearing my bedtime. I've noticed that I've maintained a consistent readership, but it hasn't increased. You're not doing your doodie (hehehehe) and spreading this blog around. Before you know it I'll be Mark Titus for doing even less than Mark Titus does.

N-stick, OUT!

Dear David Stern

Dear David Stern:

I have some serious bones to pick with you. First, you take my favorite college basketball player, Mark Titus and forbid him from entering the NBA Draft. Let me tell you something, Mr. Stern, you've sold us all on the fact that the NBA is a business. We get it. LBJ may or may not be a Knick in a year or so because this is a business. Whatever is good for the teams, and ultimately the league financially is what is to happen. So, I really do not understand this thing. Mark Titus is probably one of the top 20 well-known college basketball players in the country. You refuse to let him enter the league? All that's going to happen is that he'll make money himself, for the team, and ultimately for the league. Bogus.

Second, why did you let Orlando cheat against the Cavs? Crap, it's right their in their team name! The MAGIC! I knew this series was doomed from the get-go because the other team would be using illusions. I firmly believe right now, and further research is necessary to delve into this a bit more, that at least 70% of all the made three pointers the MAGIC shot were illusions. Their shot really wasn't going in, they relied on MAGIC to make sure that it did. I want our congresspeople in on this. I want Barack Obama in on it. Expose the NBA and the MAGIC for what they are--magicians, who are cheaters.

I discovered a sheet of paper with two funny thoughts I had a while back. Here they are:

One time, I shook my baby maker. The neighbor girl did not like it, and the charges are still pending.

Apparently 90% of all 15 year olds have cell phones. This is according to a survey done by Verizon Wireless using numbers of their subscribers.

Chuck Norris does not eat cereal. In fact, Wheaties are made of 100% pure Chuck Norris, hence why they are the breakfast of champions.

N-Stick, out.

OOOoooooo we need a game!

How high can you count?! No cheating! And.... go!

Viewers Like You

The people have spoken. In light of much sarcasm on my Facebook from my dear, sweet mother, I will be putting comments back on without moderation. This decision was reached after I realized that I would've had at least five comments on this post, had I allowed them all. That, and while fascism allows for apparent popularity, it does not do too well for real popularity. Ask Russia. Or Hitler. That raises a question, though. Hitler is, by all measures, incredibly popular. Books, TV Shows, movies, on and on and on. He's about as popular as Rush Limbaugh. But, no one would ever admit to liking Hitler--except for me.

Prior to going nuts, murdering millions of people, and attempting to take over the world he talked about peace more than anything. There was never, ever a sign that he would be anything but a peaceful leader. And, as many will tell you, how we handled Hitler initially has determined how we have handled any precarious foreign policy since WWII, with the prime example being Iraq. It could be argued Hitler has shaped our foreign policy more than anyone else in the past 5 decades.

What does this mean for me? Not everything is as simple as it seems. So by suppressing my readers, I only create resentment towards myself.

Returning to the real world, I went and saw the Billy Joel and Elton John concert this weekend at The Q in Cleveland. Not only did I return to the scene of the crime from the night before (where Lebron James had basketball sex with me without buying me dinner), but more importantly than LBJ and and Elton and Billy was the stand I saw at the Q. That's right, they were selling Digornio pizza. Clearly someone has had an idea similar to mine, and is doing quite well and capitalizing on it. I think it's only a matter of time before those people (I think LBJ owns it? Maybe?) and myself get together for 100% awesome idea. Plus, Howie Long approves of the idea, so clearly there's something to it. Look for LBJ and Nate Stickney Digornio Delivers Pizza Places near you in the not-not-so-distant future. (Do you see what I did there? DOUBLE NEGATIVE!)

Today's post is brought to you by the letters Q, W and OMG Posters. Check that site out for some excellent work and posters.

And, this website is supported by viewers like you, so do your part and visit the Google Ads above. Find one you like, click it, and think. Mmmmm thinking. In the comments, post what you wish your age was, and what you think someone else's favorite food is and why. I know that's a lot, but be creative. Remember, VIEWERS LIKE YOU!

Oh, and "the News" won the last commenting contest. I hate José Mesa.

Fascism

This post is dedicated to Bryan, who commented on the last post.

You see, Bryan posted something negative about the last post. He, in fact, unlike everyone (100% of all survey respondents) did not like the Digornio Delivery idea. He posted this, so I'm taking away his free speech on this blog. From this point forth, comments will be moderated.

There is some beautiful irony in this, though. Bryan used to have a post card hanging in his room (probably still does) that listed some signs of fascism. Stay tuned for signs that this blog is becoming increasingly fascist.

In other news, I was told "Pandora", the incredible music radio-type thing on the interwebs, is not allowed at my work. However, bringing in CDs and playing them through my computer and headphones is permitted. In the words of a co-worker who gave me a heads-up, having headphones "makes the day go by extra super fast."

For those who don't know, I have taken a new job, as an Office Assistant with the State of Ohio Dept. of MRDD. I don't mind the job, and the pay is good, but I have a hard time relating to middle-aged black women. I've started tuning into BET and attending church, though, and loving fried chicken, so I should be caught up soon.

Tonight's question is sort've a fun play-along stolen from my current favorite Tweeter, David Pogue. Add a word to a celebrity name and make it funny. For example - Curious George Jetson - a spaceship flying monkey. Game on, yo.

Spread the fascism like democracy!

And the winner is...

A favorite Kellerism of mine was "make it a winner." This, as is the norm on this blog, is a poop joke. He was referring to guys who had to empty their large intestine of its solid waste. I now always ask people if "it was a winner" after they've gone, or instruct them to "make it a winner" if they're going. I even have friends who will text me "it was a winner" if they've went. Thanks for that, Coach Keller. I'm not lying when I tell you that you have no idea the impression you made on me.

The real winner, though, for this post, is Mark M. I'm not sure who he is, but he was the only one who knew where Orel Hershiser went to college. Given the big following of this blog at The BGSU, I figured someone would've gotten it. Congratulations to Mark, your prize is lost in the mail (as in, in my mailbox here, never to be sent out. It's the thought that counts, though, right?)

And the other winner is me. I had a brilliant idea last night. But first, a story from after said idea. I was out with some friends, and mentioned that I had a blog (I was explaining my great idea I was going to write about, still to come). That got a big "oh no! A blog! That's terrible." So I had to explain that the blog is not a "BLOG" in the "this is what I did today" sense (see Xanga circa 2002). The main goal of this is to get a radio show, and the secondary goal is to entertain the masses known as people who are my Facebook friends.

So this idea, that I went on to talk about, is a real money maker. Digornio is good pizza. They have the trademark "It's not delivery, it's Digornio." Well, last night, as I was making my Digornio, I realized how much of a pain in the rear it was to actually do that. I fought with the box to open it, I struggled peeling the plastic back to get the pizza out, and then, found it nearly impossible to remove that cardboard from the bottom. I thought, if only someone could do this for me and bring me the pizza when it's ready. Then I thought, aha! I will open restaurants that deliver baked Digornio pizzas! I still get the Digornio pizza, and don't have to bake it at home! I call copyright dibs on this idea right now. You know you would order from the Digornio delivery place.

Tonight's question: How much did the postage rate increase on Monday, and what is the new rate?

Spread the word homies!

You Got Crabcakes

I went out to dinner with a ho bag (Susan) and some acquaintances on Saturday. We went to a restaurant called "Betty's" and had quite the delightful time. Were I to call it anything, I would call it like when you're fishing for trout and catch some other, better kind of fish instead. I knew I would have a nice time, but not this nice of a time. So, the scholarly young man in our group--we'll call him Franklin--decided crab cakes would be an appropriate appetizer, and sought accomplices in his crab cake endeavor. I helplessly agreed, figuring we could make the most excellent crab-cake devouring team since Johnson & Johnson.

Naturally, as we're waiting for this to pass, the others share story about previous crab cake indulgences. Susan and her companion had had crab cakes in Baltimore that were priced "at market price". They ended up being a $28 order of crab cakes. Shnikes. She said she thought that they were probably caught the same day they were eating. Naturally, I wondered out loud (where are my manners?) "Aren't crabs usually caught the day they were eaten?" If you don't get that, you're not old enough to read this blog, and it's probably past your bedtime.

Now, the hilarity ensues as I try to recall EXACTLY how that joke went. I mean, in my last post, you all saw the struggles I have with remembering the hilarity that comes from this generation's Mark Twain (me). So, I asked my dear friend Susan (the ho bag, who henceforth will be referred to as "Lisa") to borrow her phone. I had no pen and paper with me--who does on a Saturday night?--and needed to remember the delicate wording verbatim for this joke to be executed properly. The result is a voicemail on my phone, from myself, which is transcribed here:

"Uh, usually you do get crabs on the--wait(background noise)--crabs are usually caught on the day you ate them. That has to do with the disease crabs and sexual nature but also it's a play on words about like the actual food crabs. we had crab cakes and Lisa was talking about fresh crab and she said it was caught the day that she ate it and I said usually crabs are caught the day that you ate them. (pause) And it's funny. So, use that in your blog. Got it, dumbass? Bye."

Thus, you have this post.

Congrats to BT for winning, twice (so unnecessary) and Emily Turner for taking 2nd (3rd?). And congrats to the News for being a giant doucher.

I apologize for the language in this post. I promise it will improve in the future.

Tonight's question---with which baseball team did Orel Hershiser play in college?

Web searches will not be tolerated. Someone HAS to know this.

Forget Me Not

Susan gets high sometimes.

So, the reason for the lack of posts is not that I'm not funny (got that radio-show people?). Instead, it's that when I think funny things, I forget them when I go to write my blog. It's a problem that I'm trying to combat with something they call "pen-and-paper". It's weird and makes my head hurt. Anyway, my friend Susan suggested it. Apparently she often forgets things as well. The only difference is she is high. Now, I do not use drugs, nor condone the usage irresponsibly. But, she chooses to use on her own time, and does so responsibly. She apparently ends up with some "effing awesome ideas" while high. Regrettably, she never remembers those ideas. According to my intense, Einstein-like calculations, these brilliant ideas--or rather, the forgetting of said ideas--has cost Susan approximately $17 million. Srsly how many dime bags could she buy with that kind of dough?

To encourage commenting/audience participation, we'll have a contest. If you can name the country for this flag, you win a prize to be determined by me at a later date (see how good I am radio guys!).

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Good luck kids!

Parents Just Don't Understand

This is for my high school readers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acbkMGEjzrE

Calling President Obama

A goal of the (sometimes [week-daily]) Stick was to be your one-stop-shop for anything and everything. I literally hoped you would not go anywhere else on the internet. The fact that anyone has come here makes me feel 1/3 successful, so thanks for that? Unfortunately, though, I have let my few loyal readers down. There has yet to be a politically charged post. However, before I get to this, some important things about blog etiquette.

It is a crucial, crucial part of any blog that the links are clicked. Now, I'm going to only include one link, and we'll work up from there. I don't put them in there for my surprise and enjoyment, they're 100%

1. Foreign Policy

North Korea is the annoying kid in the neighborhood who has rocks and occasionally will throw them at people while they drive down the street. And by rocks, I mean pebbles. This is no issue. Sure, some will get annoyed, and their MIGHT be a ding here and there, but every now and then someone gets out of their car, pays the kid to quit, or hollers at them, and they take a break for a while. It's the cycle and everyone knows it. Oh, and srsly Barry, war? Still? Help a hippie out.

2. The Economy

Lebron James needs complete control of the city of Detroit. The way he has manhandled their hoops team the past week, there is not a single doubt in my mind he can turn GM, Ford, Chrysler, AND guard the Canadian border from all of those people trying to get over here to get our vastly superior healthcare (did I mention cheaper, too?). And, I trust he’ll do fine keeping the casinos in check, and because of his African-American heritage, he’ll have the respect of that segment of the Detriot community as well. Once the cars start selling again, the banks will be next. For that project, maybe, Charles Barkley? I’ll work on that and report back later.

3. The Daily Stick

Okay, I have to be honest, this blog was written simply so I could use that Lebron joke I’ve been sitting on (sort of) for like 4 days.

I encourage you to spread blog around like bailout and stimulus money. And, by that I mean some of you will hand it out and then others will hand it out, and so on, and others (like Warren County, Ohio) will reject it and send it back, while others, like Texas, will threaten to secede. I’m hoping for a higher percentage of the first than the last two. Time will tell.

PS I Tweeted @Pogue (David Pogue, tech editor for NY Times) today asking for an internship. Unfortunately he had JUST filled it. He was sure to note the “JUST” in capital letters. I think he thought my Twitter profile picture was ugly. I’ll have to work on that. Thanks, Dave, for ruining my self-esteem.

(A note to David Pogue—that’s all in there for poops and giggles.)

PPS For those who don't know, the picture is my younger goofball brother, Ben.

I Just Gave a Few People Herpes

Before we get into the post, a quick house-keeping issue. First, I cleaned our bathroom this weekend. Spic-n-span. It's refreshing to clean the bathroom and then shower in a super clean bathroom, then put on clothes that are fresh from the dryer. Second, I ironed my shirts tonight. Dear Lord, I need to get married. Thirdly, and most relevant, while the title of this blog is, in fact, "The Daily Stick" (thanks, Jon) it will not, in fact, be "daily" in the sense of every single day. The News pointed out, in the only comment so far on this site (losers), that I would slip with updating every day. So this is officially The (Week) Daily Stick. So, prepare yourselves 5 out of 7 days of the week, specifically the ones that do not include "S" in the first three letters.

Now, on to more pertinent information. My intention for this blog is to bring brilliance to the masses, or find a way to get a television show. Because of the fact I think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread met Kraft American Singles. So, for some reason, I write as close to "stream of consciousness" as I can (without going over, of course). Seriously, how is Drew Carey doing this now. Didn't he make enough money off of that crappy show about Cleveland that he could not work again?

So, the herpes analogy worked until my mother joined this blog just after my friend Jon Burkhart joined. It really, really, really creeped me out that he may have shared this blog with my mother in a manner that one obtains herpes. I just can't even bare to think about it. Usually those types of thoughts are reserved for ME and Jon's mom--not vice-versa. The reason for this is that it angers Jon--continues to do so, several years after the fact. He knows it's only half-real, but it still fries his eggs that it happens. That may be too delicious of an analogy. It still chaps his ass. Ahh, much better.

I watched the movie "Man on Wire" tonight, and it's pretty intense. I can barely walk on the sidewalk, and this dude walked on a wire between the two WTC towers. Interesting movie. Highly recommended, unless you're absolutely terrified of heights.

Until Tuesday.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

After reading my last post, a friend told me she "laughed out loud" (my sources tell me that is LOL on the interwebs--crazy kids) at the fact I said "poop hit the fan". I just wanted to clarify, though, for any people who might take things to seriously, that in no way, shape, or form did any poop hit a fan in my life, at least not yesterday (currently I can neither confirm nor deny poop in relation to fans at other points). Poop, in a similar method to sex, sells, so it shall remain somewhat of a fixture on my blog. Take that as you wish.

I had a conversation a long time ago that this video reminded me of. The question, which was debated for several drunken hours with no resolution reached, was "Was the intended audience of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air families (of which there are more white people--no racism meant, there's just more white people, thus more families) or black people?" I stand on the side of families. I will let my loyal readers (yes, two people follow now) duke it out in the comments as to what the audience is. Know this though: why have your intended audience only be ten percent of the population? I'm confident that with hard work and perseverance we can settle this debate and declare once and for all who truly are the intended recipients of this television masterpiece.

I also wanted to touch on a point of my last post--the wildfire thing. I'm going to quit with that analogy, because this evening I went to CNN's website and this was the headlining story. So, please stop spreading this blog like wildfire, because I do not want this blog to cause anyone to burn to death or lose their house. I think a more apt analogy is to spread it like herpes, and I'm happy to run down reasons why I chose herpes. Herpes, clearly, is a communicable disease. This blog is communicable. You share herpes most often with someone with whom you are intimate. I hope you'll share this blog with someone with whom you are intimate. Herpes does not burn down houses. This blog doesn't burn down houses. On occasion, herpes occurs on the face or other parts of the body (see: chickenpox). I hope that this blog is in some way visible on the face or body, either through smiles or tatoos of myself on your back. I hope I've cleared this up, and you all begin spreading the word about this blog like herpes.

Social Experiment aka My Facebook Spams my E-mail

I signed up for Twitter a couple weeks ago. It's a cool little toy that many more people are joining (much like blogs) on the interwebs, and I realized it automatically updates my Facebook status as well, which people actually use and follow (Hey, Twitter hasn't taken off with my friends yet.) So, yesterday I updated my Twitter (nstick13, btw) to read "Jesus was a Communist" and, essentially, let the poop hit the fan. Over 10 replies in under twenty minutes made me think I deserve a radio show. Today we added the idea that Jesus does in fact love homosexuals (props to The News for his assistance in that).

I've been informed by sources that must remain anonymous that on occasion I say things that some may consider entertaining, and on other occasions things that some may consider "mind-blowing" or "intelligent" or "coherent" which usually is doing pretty well for the Midwest. For example, this nugget comes from watching the basketball game the other night. I decided, appropriately, that Tyler Hansborough (who cannot physically close his mouth) in fact speaks in the language of turtles. Some thought cavemen, but studies have shown it's in fact turtle. Also, in discussing the ridiculously fast Ty Lawson, I was the only one to acknowledge the striking similarities he has to a cheetah in regards to his speed and the fact he plays basketball. For both of these incredible nuggets of wisdom and nonsense, I thank Sam Adams and their White Ale.

Today's nugget is brought to you by Evergreen Solar, in whom I have $50 invested. If suddenly each share is worth $100, I will have made myself a nice little profit. And, if I start having sponsors of nuggets now, perhaps I can make some real money off of it if I legitimately get a following. Anyways, you all are able to now walk away knowing that the word "b*tch" can have its negative impact lessened by adding an "o" making it "b*otch". Sorry, I don't like potty words. I blame my girlfriend.

Spread this blog like a wild fire in southern California, but one that is not near any residential areas because that is tragic.