Forget Me Not

Susan gets high sometimes.

So, the reason for the lack of posts is not that I'm not funny (got that radio-show people?). Instead, it's that when I think funny things, I forget them when I go to write my blog. It's a problem that I'm trying to combat with something they call "pen-and-paper". It's weird and makes my head hurt. Anyway, my friend Susan suggested it. Apparently she often forgets things as well. The only difference is she is high. Now, I do not use drugs, nor condone the usage irresponsibly. But, she chooses to use on her own time, and does so responsibly. She apparently ends up with some "effing awesome ideas" while high. Regrettably, she never remembers those ideas. According to my intense, Einstein-like calculations, these brilliant ideas--or rather, the forgetting of said ideas--has cost Susan approximately $17 million. Srsly how many dime bags could she buy with that kind of dough?

To encourage commenting/audience participation, we'll have a contest. If you can name the country for this flag, you win a prize to be determined by me at a later date (see how good I am radio guys!).

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Good luck kids!

Parents Just Don't Understand

This is for my high school readers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acbkMGEjzrE

Calling President Obama

A goal of the (sometimes [week-daily]) Stick was to be your one-stop-shop for anything and everything. I literally hoped you would not go anywhere else on the internet. The fact that anyone has come here makes me feel 1/3 successful, so thanks for that? Unfortunately, though, I have let my few loyal readers down. There has yet to be a politically charged post. However, before I get to this, some important things about blog etiquette.

It is a crucial, crucial part of any blog that the links are clicked. Now, I'm going to only include one link, and we'll work up from there. I don't put them in there for my surprise and enjoyment, they're 100%

1. Foreign Policy

North Korea is the annoying kid in the neighborhood who has rocks and occasionally will throw them at people while they drive down the street. And by rocks, I mean pebbles. This is no issue. Sure, some will get annoyed, and their MIGHT be a ding here and there, but every now and then someone gets out of their car, pays the kid to quit, or hollers at them, and they take a break for a while. It's the cycle and everyone knows it. Oh, and srsly Barry, war? Still? Help a hippie out.

2. The Economy

Lebron James needs complete control of the city of Detroit. The way he has manhandled their hoops team the past week, there is not a single doubt in my mind he can turn GM, Ford, Chrysler, AND guard the Canadian border from all of those people trying to get over here to get our vastly superior healthcare (did I mention cheaper, too?). And, I trust he’ll do fine keeping the casinos in check, and because of his African-American heritage, he’ll have the respect of that segment of the Detriot community as well. Once the cars start selling again, the banks will be next. For that project, maybe, Charles Barkley? I’ll work on that and report back later.

3. The Daily Stick

Okay, I have to be honest, this blog was written simply so I could use that Lebron joke I’ve been sitting on (sort of) for like 4 days.

I encourage you to spread blog around like bailout and stimulus money. And, by that I mean some of you will hand it out and then others will hand it out, and so on, and others (like Warren County, Ohio) will reject it and send it back, while others, like Texas, will threaten to secede. I’m hoping for a higher percentage of the first than the last two. Time will tell.

PS I Tweeted @Pogue (David Pogue, tech editor for NY Times) today asking for an internship. Unfortunately he had JUST filled it. He was sure to note the “JUST” in capital letters. I think he thought my Twitter profile picture was ugly. I’ll have to work on that. Thanks, Dave, for ruining my self-esteem.

(A note to David Pogue—that’s all in there for poops and giggles.)

PPS For those who don't know, the picture is my younger goofball brother, Ben.

I Just Gave a Few People Herpes

Before we get into the post, a quick house-keeping issue. First, I cleaned our bathroom this weekend. Spic-n-span. It's refreshing to clean the bathroom and then shower in a super clean bathroom, then put on clothes that are fresh from the dryer. Second, I ironed my shirts tonight. Dear Lord, I need to get married. Thirdly, and most relevant, while the title of this blog is, in fact, "The Daily Stick" (thanks, Jon) it will not, in fact, be "daily" in the sense of every single day. The News pointed out, in the only comment so far on this site (losers), that I would slip with updating every day. So this is officially The (Week) Daily Stick. So, prepare yourselves 5 out of 7 days of the week, specifically the ones that do not include "S" in the first three letters.

Now, on to more pertinent information. My intention for this blog is to bring brilliance to the masses, or find a way to get a television show. Because of the fact I think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread met Kraft American Singles. So, for some reason, I write as close to "stream of consciousness" as I can (without going over, of course). Seriously, how is Drew Carey doing this now. Didn't he make enough money off of that crappy show about Cleveland that he could not work again?

So, the herpes analogy worked until my mother joined this blog just after my friend Jon Burkhart joined. It really, really, really creeped me out that he may have shared this blog with my mother in a manner that one obtains herpes. I just can't even bare to think about it. Usually those types of thoughts are reserved for ME and Jon's mom--not vice-versa. The reason for this is that it angers Jon--continues to do so, several years after the fact. He knows it's only half-real, but it still fries his eggs that it happens. That may be too delicious of an analogy. It still chaps his ass. Ahh, much better.

I watched the movie "Man on Wire" tonight, and it's pretty intense. I can barely walk on the sidewalk, and this dude walked on a wire between the two WTC towers. Interesting movie. Highly recommended, unless you're absolutely terrified of heights.

Until Tuesday.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

After reading my last post, a friend told me she "laughed out loud" (my sources tell me that is LOL on the interwebs--crazy kids) at the fact I said "poop hit the fan". I just wanted to clarify, though, for any people who might take things to seriously, that in no way, shape, or form did any poop hit a fan in my life, at least not yesterday (currently I can neither confirm nor deny poop in relation to fans at other points). Poop, in a similar method to sex, sells, so it shall remain somewhat of a fixture on my blog. Take that as you wish.

I had a conversation a long time ago that this video reminded me of. The question, which was debated for several drunken hours with no resolution reached, was "Was the intended audience of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air families (of which there are more white people--no racism meant, there's just more white people, thus more families) or black people?" I stand on the side of families. I will let my loyal readers (yes, two people follow now) duke it out in the comments as to what the audience is. Know this though: why have your intended audience only be ten percent of the population? I'm confident that with hard work and perseverance we can settle this debate and declare once and for all who truly are the intended recipients of this television masterpiece.

I also wanted to touch on a point of my last post--the wildfire thing. I'm going to quit with that analogy, because this evening I went to CNN's website and this was the headlining story. So, please stop spreading this blog like wildfire, because I do not want this blog to cause anyone to burn to death or lose their house. I think a more apt analogy is to spread it like herpes, and I'm happy to run down reasons why I chose herpes. Herpes, clearly, is a communicable disease. This blog is communicable. You share herpes most often with someone with whom you are intimate. I hope you'll share this blog with someone with whom you are intimate. Herpes does not burn down houses. This blog doesn't burn down houses. On occasion, herpes occurs on the face or other parts of the body (see: chickenpox). I hope that this blog is in some way visible on the face or body, either through smiles or tatoos of myself on your back. I hope I've cleared this up, and you all begin spreading the word about this blog like herpes.

Social Experiment aka My Facebook Spams my E-mail

I signed up for Twitter a couple weeks ago. It's a cool little toy that many more people are joining (much like blogs) on the interwebs, and I realized it automatically updates my Facebook status as well, which people actually use and follow (Hey, Twitter hasn't taken off with my friends yet.) So, yesterday I updated my Twitter (nstick13, btw) to read "Jesus was a Communist" and, essentially, let the poop hit the fan. Over 10 replies in under twenty minutes made me think I deserve a radio show. Today we added the idea that Jesus does in fact love homosexuals (props to The News for his assistance in that).

I've been informed by sources that must remain anonymous that on occasion I say things that some may consider entertaining, and on other occasions things that some may consider "mind-blowing" or "intelligent" or "coherent" which usually is doing pretty well for the Midwest. For example, this nugget comes from watching the basketball game the other night. I decided, appropriately, that Tyler Hansborough (who cannot physically close his mouth) in fact speaks in the language of turtles. Some thought cavemen, but studies have shown it's in fact turtle. Also, in discussing the ridiculously fast Ty Lawson, I was the only one to acknowledge the striking similarities he has to a cheetah in regards to his speed and the fact he plays basketball. For both of these incredible nuggets of wisdom and nonsense, I thank Sam Adams and their White Ale.

Today's nugget is brought to you by Evergreen Solar, in whom I have $50 invested. If suddenly each share is worth $100, I will have made myself a nice little profit. And, if I start having sponsors of nuggets now, perhaps I can make some real money off of it if I legitimately get a following. Anyways, you all are able to now walk away knowing that the word "b*tch" can have its negative impact lessened by adding an "o" making it "b*otch". Sorry, I don't like potty words. I blame my girlfriend.

Spread this blog like a wild fire in southern California, but one that is not near any residential areas because that is tragic.