Also, for those who don't know, I grew up in the zip code 43410, better known to some readers, as Clyde, Ohio, and known to less readers as Winesburg. Between the ages of, we'll say 9 and 19, I hated that fact. Maybe not hated, but would've rather grown up anywhere, so long as it wasn't Bellevue, Pittsburgh, or any city in Michigan. After that age 19, I started to appreciate just what it was that I grew up with, and how--not unique--but special, perhaps, that was.
In the past week some things have just really hit me hard. First is that, yes, I am moving to Egypt in six weeks. Cairo has well over 20 million people, Clyde might have 7,000 now. Stay tuned on that. In essence, in 4 short years, my life has radically changed.
In high school, I drove a sweet '98 Ford Escort at worked at Wendy's. Again, far from unique. With one of my paychecks in my pocket, I went to Wal-Mart and bought a new *CD Player* and hooked it up to the *cassette tape player* in my car. It's slightly disgusting, but I listened to some Clay Aiken (mostly covers), Billy Joel and Dashboard Confessional on that CD Player all the time. I also drove a lot--I don't now--so I actually new the songs and the words. I would sing along. My times changed, my music changed, but as I'm sure everyone has, there are moments and memories attacehd to nearly all of those songs, so when I hear one, I'm instantly taken back to Clyde.
45365 is a beautifully made film about Sidney, OH. Clearly not Clyde, but one would be forgiven for thinking it is. So, even though I saw none of the same people, none of the same landmarks, I had lived this movie. I had been at the football games, had been in the bars (though that's since I was 21, promise Peg!) knew people with issues, divorce, worked in the factory, been to the churches, hung out at the barbershop--all of that. It was one giant "don't forget about Clyde" moment for me.
My closest friends and relatives will tell you I will never forget about Clyde, and I largely agree with them. I read the Enterprise online every week, my family still lives there, etc. And as fond as the memories are, they're only that, memories. Continuing in that town--or, as I especially realized tonight, any town somewhat similar to it--will remind me of those memories I had growing up, but I never will create those same ones. I do not want to be reminded of what I once had and, realistically will never achieve again. I never will be 17 again, hopefully never work at Wendy's, allowing Dashboard Confessional to sing my heart's puppy love as I cruise down Route 20. My friends will never score the winning touchdown and I reward them with the sexiest tuba section playing the fight song that I can. I WANT those moments, we all want them, but it's terrible to chase them. It's beautiful to remember, illogical to relive--or, try to.
So, it's safe to say there's a multitude of reasons I'm going to Egypt. I enjoy the Arab culture and language. I'm realizing I have a passion for education. I want to see all the world. The selfish reason (not necessarily the main one, though) is that it's time to make new, unique memories, and not hold out for the ones I already have to return. I want to create an entire life of moments I love remembering, of nostalgic feelings about people, places, tastes, smells, music, pictures, and conversations. And I don't feel like that will happen in Ohio, at least not now.
We'll talk again in a decade. I'm sure things will be different then.
* Let me say something about this. This is strictly how I feel about where I grew up, and what my relationship is with the town now. I'm not trying to make a statement about everyone who is still in Clyde, or whatever small town they're from, because I know not everyone is trying to do that. This is simply how I feel when those possibilities cross my mind.
Also, read the Winesburg link, if you read no other, Interesting the names that are mentioned.
