Also, for those who don't know, I grew up in the zip code 43410, better known to some readers, as Clyde, Ohio, and known to less readers as Winesburg. Between the ages of, we'll say 9 and 19, I hated that fact. Maybe not hated, but would've rather grown up anywhere, so long as it wasn't Bellevue, Pittsburgh, or any city in Michigan. After that age 19, I started to appreciate just what it was that I grew up with, and how--not unique--but special, perhaps, that was.
In the past week some things have just really hit me hard. First is that, yes, I am moving to Egypt in six weeks. Cairo has well over 20 million people, Clyde might have 7,000 now. Stay tuned on that. In essence, in 4 short years, my life has radically changed.
In high school, I drove a sweet '98 Ford Escort at worked at Wendy's. Again, far from unique. With one of my paychecks in my pocket, I went to Wal-Mart and bought a new *CD Player* and hooked it up to the *cassette tape player* in my car. It's slightly disgusting, but I listened to some Clay Aiken (mostly covers), Billy Joel and Dashboard Confessional on that CD Player all the time. I also drove a lot--I don't now--so I actually new the songs and the words. I would sing along. My times changed, my music changed, but as I'm sure everyone has, there are moments and memories attacehd to nearly all of those songs, so when I hear one, I'm instantly taken back to Clyde.
45365 is a beautifully made film about Sidney, OH. Clearly not Clyde, but one would be forgiven for thinking it is. So, even though I saw none of the same people, none of the same landmarks, I had lived this movie. I had been at the football games, had been in the bars (though that's since I was 21, promise Peg!) knew people with issues, divorce, worked in the factory, been to the churches, hung out at the barbershop--all of that. It was one giant "don't forget about Clyde" moment for me.
My closest friends and relatives will tell you I will never forget about Clyde, and I largely agree with them. I read the Enterprise online every week, my family still lives there, etc. And as fond as the memories are, they're only that, memories. Continuing in that town--or, as I especially realized tonight, any town somewhat similar to it--will remind me of those memories I had growing up, but I never will create those same ones. I do not want to be reminded of what I once had and, realistically will never achieve again. I never will be 17 again, hopefully never work at Wendy's, allowing Dashboard Confessional to sing my heart's puppy love as I cruise down Route 20. My friends will never score the winning touchdown and I reward them with the sexiest tuba section playing the fight song that I can. I WANT those moments, we all want them, but it's terrible to chase them. It's beautiful to remember, illogical to relive--or, try to.
So, it's safe to say there's a multitude of reasons I'm going to Egypt. I enjoy the Arab culture and language. I'm realizing I have a passion for education. I want to see all the world. The selfish reason (not necessarily the main one, though) is that it's time to make new, unique memories, and not hold out for the ones I already have to return. I want to create an entire life of moments I love remembering, of nostalgic feelings about people, places, tastes, smells, music, pictures, and conversations. And I don't feel like that will happen in Ohio, at least not now.
We'll talk again in a decade. I'm sure things will be different then.
* Let me say something about this. This is strictly how I feel about where I grew up, and what my relationship is with the town now. I'm not trying to make a statement about everyone who is still in Clyde, or whatever small town they're from, because I know not everyone is trying to do that. This is simply how I feel when those possibilities cross my mind.
Also, read the Winesburg link, if you read no other, Interesting the names that are mentioned.
Very well stated, Nate! I've had similar thoughts/feelings/experiences. I was only gone for a semester, but I learned a lot about myself in that time. I was very anxious about going abroad for many reasons, but I look back now and realize that I never had anything to worry about. I am a very different person than the one who graduated in 2005. The person I was then wouldn't have been able to take on the challenges of studying abroad, but the person I have become since then had the time of her life abroad. I was scared about leaving the comfort and safety of Ohio, where I have made so many amazing memories, but I quickly realized that I was ready to move on. Nothing against Clyde or Ohio, but it was time for bigger and better things. I absolutely love Austria and might be returning for several years after I'm done at BG. I still have to make the big decision about that. Going abroad to study for several years is much different than going abroad for 1 semester, but my gut feeling tells me that I'm ready and it's the next step I need to take in my life. It's time to make many new memories there.
ReplyDeleteEnough of my rambling. I wish you the best of luck in Egypt. I hope your experiences there surpass anything you could ever imagine.
As someone who comes from a smaller town than you and has achieved less in more time, I have these points to make:
ReplyDelete1) I thought your posts were going to be funny and irrelevant.
2) I thought your posts were going to be frequent.
3) How does a white giant plan on blending in in Cairo?
4) I hope to get a show booked and have you play with us before you leave.
I liked this one...and I like the last comment even more.
ReplyDelete