The Olentangy

The mighty Olentangy. Mighty in its name but not so much in might. It was discovered initially by the Germans, and it's name literally means bratwurst with cheese and cucumbers. It used to flow from Columbus to Colombia, allowing the Colombians to import many illicit drugs. Eventually, though, the Colombians won their war on drugs, and the role has essentially reversed, though not by the Olentangy. Our war is still underway.

Tourists and swimmers should watch out for the fish with three eyes, as well is toxic sludge. I don't know it's FOR SURE in there, but I'd imagine after 2 industrial revolutions, that it is.

Some nice things: It never caught on fire. It's sorta a home to Ohio Stadium. It has water? The Lane Avenue Bridge looks nice over it. It's "scenic" according to the State of Ohio.

I hope this appeases the masses.

Note to self:

Note to self: Update this balderdash tomorrow!

In the mean time, here's what people are saying about the blog and the blogger.

"Irresponsible!" - Anonymous
"Unprofessional!" - Anonymous 2
"Funny!" - Anonymous
"Perfect!" Anonymous
"Stupid!" - Peg (my mom)
"Heart-wrenching, breakthrough and a gift to the world wide web." - The New York Times (not entirely true).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBmbAqdxw8A
Heard that song on the radio.

The Worst and the Best

I just tweeted that today I watched one of the saddest and happiest events in one's life, a college graduation. Now, I graduated in December, two quarters ahead of schedule. I took classes in the summer, and had some college credit coming in to school. It didn't really seem like that big of a deal. I'd been working in an office job for a quarter, I lived a few miles from campus--I was disconnected. Now, though, I just moved back to campus, I spent all day yesterday with my friends, some of the greatest guys and girls one could ever hope to know. We ended up at the candlelight ceremony, and although it felt like I was partaking in a cult, it's hard to overlook the effect of Ohio State and its people on one's life.

Nothing is as exhilarating, though, as realizing that you're finally going to be out on your own. It's your opportunity to prove yourself to, well, yourself. We've gotten the degrees and diplomas--two in the past five years, in fact--and now it's up to us to shape our lives. Our parents will guide us, our friends and co-workers will shape us, but we have the most freedom right now, and from here on, that we have had in our entire lives. Most know my decision: a move to Egypt to pursue the dream that it seems so many have but so few execute. Each of us are going our separate ways, doing what we can to get by, or need to for our futures, acting upon this freedom to be who we want to be and shape our lives as they go.

All that was on my mind as I sat at our cookout yesterday, at the candlelight ceremony last night, at graduation in the 'Shoe today, and in the picture sessions to follow. I saw guys who I considered my closest friends in the past four years. We have the memories, the stories, the hard work, the tests, all of those cliche things that go along with college. I was not as social as one could've been, but that did not change the relationships. My friends are smart, funny and dedicated; committed to each other in a way that rivals Will Ferrell and Luke Wilson in Old School, which will undoubtedly be quoted endlessly.

So I reflect on those memories, so happy, positive and, well, fun, all while considering that they'll likely never happen again. Sure we'll stay in touch, maybe see each other now and again, but the times will change. Unfortunately, this is what we must sacrifice in order to indulge in our new found freedom. And I wonder if anything at all has the mixed emotions of a graduation. High school, college, they're very similar. We want to hold on so badly to what's behind us--those memories--and act on what's in front of us. It's clear what we're TOLD to do, what society thinks, but what is it that we WANT to do? Is that sacrifice worth it?

Those of you who read this that are younger, just consider that as you finish your high school or college. And, as a former teacher said just a couple minutes ago, remember you never stop learning.

M*ch$g#n

I apologize to my dearest fans that it has been seen long since I could pleasure you all in a manner similar to chocolate.

I write today to discuss plans to deal with that terrible, terrible state up north. (Warning: This post will include at least one inside joke, which I think can be explained pretty decently, and I will attempt to allow others to understand.)

A review of what the state of Michigan has accomplished:
1. The Auto Industry - Detroit is done for. I've analyzed this in this post where I say LBJ needs to run the auto industry. Millions of jobs and money lost, adios stupid state that looks like a hand!

2. The University of TSUN - There are obvious reasons that I, an alumni of tOSU, would dislike the maize and blue. But, considering I just found out this guy got a degree from that terrible school, they're even further down the poop list (cursing, remember?).

3. This is their recovery plan. The auto industry fails, so they suddenly have an artistic side? This might be one of the dumbest ideas I've ever heard. That's like if Lebron James leaves for the NY Knicks (which is NOT happening, btw) the Cavs say, don't worry, we're signing Allen "Practice?" Iverson. Fact: Titanic is the only movie to have ever made $1 Billion. Fact: The car companies were just bailed out with billions and billions of dollars, and it didn't work! How on earth does this compare?

4. They didn't mow their poop (originally was the bad word). Seriously, last summer I was driving in that state (cheapest option for a flight) and their stuff was not mowed. It was not neatly trimmed, it was full-out, and it angered me. And I was mildly intoxicated (Alex was driving, no worries) so I started yelling about it. Do I regret it? Absolutely not.

My solution: Close the entire state. Keep it an American territory (we can't let the Canucks succeed with it) but move everyone out. Who knows what they'll do, but I expect a significant recovery to our country in EVERY SINGLE FACET because that state no longer exists.

Tonight's competition: What president played football at that terrible, terrible excuse of a university?

Spread this blog like the people of M*ch$g#n will be dispersed after my plan goes into effect!

Comment your solutions for the state!

Great President or Greatest President?

Congrats to B-Stick for being able to could to a billion without even having to skip a few in between. I don't know who he is, but I imagine with an education that good he went to The Bowling Green State University, or a comparable regional state school in Ohio. Probably not the flagship school in the state though, The Ohio State University. The rumors are that their grads can count to a Google. While I have yet to test to confirm my skills and that I received an adequate education from The OSU, I'm pretty confident that I'll be able to.

So, on to the question of the night. Is Jon Bon Jovi a great President or the greatest President. Here's the run-down:

1. God is in his life. One of his songs talked about all he does is live on prayers. That's the man who should be running the country. I know GWB did this too, but he didn't write an epic rock 'n' roll song about it, or at least not one that we know about (he apparently had a crazy time until he was like 35 or something, who knows?!)

2. He knows his health. He doesn't take medicine unless it's good. And, based on experiences in the past, I don't either. That night hopped up on Ex-lax was terrible, and wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I trust his expertise in the medical field will help get us out of our current health situation.

3. He's aware when danger is ahead. Knowing that when the roads are a little bit damp, things can change a little bit, and make them more dangerous, is a great precedent to have. His knowledge of dangerous situations will undoubtedly make him the greatest foreign policy president since....well.... Kennedy? Maybe Carter? Good luck going up against that sweet axe, Kim-Jong Looney Bin Laden!

4. He knows that he gets to make this decisions. As much as he prays, he's aware that his life is still his. Trust the Lord, but live your life! Rock on, Jon!

Alright kids--it's nearing my bedtime. I've noticed that I've maintained a consistent readership, but it hasn't increased. You're not doing your doodie (hehehehe) and spreading this blog around. Before you know it I'll be Mark Titus for doing even less than Mark Titus does.

N-stick, OUT!

Dear David Stern

Dear David Stern:

I have some serious bones to pick with you. First, you take my favorite college basketball player, Mark Titus and forbid him from entering the NBA Draft. Let me tell you something, Mr. Stern, you've sold us all on the fact that the NBA is a business. We get it. LBJ may or may not be a Knick in a year or so because this is a business. Whatever is good for the teams, and ultimately the league financially is what is to happen. So, I really do not understand this thing. Mark Titus is probably one of the top 20 well-known college basketball players in the country. You refuse to let him enter the league? All that's going to happen is that he'll make money himself, for the team, and ultimately for the league. Bogus.

Second, why did you let Orlando cheat against the Cavs? Crap, it's right their in their team name! The MAGIC! I knew this series was doomed from the get-go because the other team would be using illusions. I firmly believe right now, and further research is necessary to delve into this a bit more, that at least 70% of all the made three pointers the MAGIC shot were illusions. Their shot really wasn't going in, they relied on MAGIC to make sure that it did. I want our congresspeople in on this. I want Barack Obama in on it. Expose the NBA and the MAGIC for what they are--magicians, who are cheaters.

I discovered a sheet of paper with two funny thoughts I had a while back. Here they are:

One time, I shook my baby maker. The neighbor girl did not like it, and the charges are still pending.

Apparently 90% of all 15 year olds have cell phones. This is according to a survey done by Verizon Wireless using numbers of their subscribers.

Chuck Norris does not eat cereal. In fact, Wheaties are made of 100% pure Chuck Norris, hence why they are the breakfast of champions.

N-Stick, out.

OOOoooooo we need a game!

How high can you count?! No cheating! And.... go!

Viewers Like You

The people have spoken. In light of much sarcasm on my Facebook from my dear, sweet mother, I will be putting comments back on without moderation. This decision was reached after I realized that I would've had at least five comments on this post, had I allowed them all. That, and while fascism allows for apparent popularity, it does not do too well for real popularity. Ask Russia. Or Hitler. That raises a question, though. Hitler is, by all measures, incredibly popular. Books, TV Shows, movies, on and on and on. He's about as popular as Rush Limbaugh. But, no one would ever admit to liking Hitler--except for me.

Prior to going nuts, murdering millions of people, and attempting to take over the world he talked about peace more than anything. There was never, ever a sign that he would be anything but a peaceful leader. And, as many will tell you, how we handled Hitler initially has determined how we have handled any precarious foreign policy since WWII, with the prime example being Iraq. It could be argued Hitler has shaped our foreign policy more than anyone else in the past 5 decades.

What does this mean for me? Not everything is as simple as it seems. So by suppressing my readers, I only create resentment towards myself.

Returning to the real world, I went and saw the Billy Joel and Elton John concert this weekend at The Q in Cleveland. Not only did I return to the scene of the crime from the night before (where Lebron James had basketball sex with me without buying me dinner), but more importantly than LBJ and and Elton and Billy was the stand I saw at the Q. That's right, they were selling Digornio pizza. Clearly someone has had an idea similar to mine, and is doing quite well and capitalizing on it. I think it's only a matter of time before those people (I think LBJ owns it? Maybe?) and myself get together for 100% awesome idea. Plus, Howie Long approves of the idea, so clearly there's something to it. Look for LBJ and Nate Stickney Digornio Delivers Pizza Places near you in the not-not-so-distant future. (Do you see what I did there? DOUBLE NEGATIVE!)

Today's post is brought to you by the letters Q, W and OMG Posters. Check that site out for some excellent work and posters.

And, this website is supported by viewers like you, so do your part and visit the Google Ads above. Find one you like, click it, and think. Mmmmm thinking. In the comments, post what you wish your age was, and what you think someone else's favorite food is and why. I know that's a lot, but be creative. Remember, VIEWERS LIKE YOU!

Oh, and "the News" won the last commenting contest. I hate José Mesa.