The mighty Olentangy. Mighty in its name but not so much in might. It was discovered initially by the Germans, and it's name literally means bratwurst with cheese and cucumbers. It used to flow from Columbus to Colombia, allowing the Colombians to import many illicit drugs. Eventually, though, the Colombians won their war on drugs, and the role has essentially reversed, though not by the Olentangy. Our war is still underway.
Tourists and swimmers should watch out for the fish with three eyes, as well is toxic sludge. I don't know it's FOR SURE in there, but I'd imagine after 2 industrial revolutions, that it is.
Some nice things: It never caught on fire. It's sorta a home to Ohio Stadium. It has water? The Lane Avenue Bridge looks nice over it. It's "scenic" according to the State of Ohio.
I hope this appeases the masses.
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I am not appeased... I think you should have done a point by point comparison with every river you've ever seen before in your life.
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